Totter came up to GR and showed him a dirty, grease covered hand. GR nodded, put another sugar cube in his mouth and walked slowly over to Lew "Tot Patrol" he whispered in Lew's ear. "Wont be long luv." he said loudly to Eileen who was looking daggers at Totter. Totter didn't notice, he was too busy trying to pick up the girl with the chestnut hair.

Lew and GR left the kaff, dragging a reluctant Totter with them. They'd just reached the curb as Foxy in L.T.2 pulled in. Everyone bundled aboard. "Just around the corner, two of them, haven't moved since we've been going here." Foxy drove the car round the corner and into a dark car park. The lads got out and removed the inevitable wrenches and adjustable spanners from the large pockets of their leather jackets. "This one first." whispered Foxy as they approached a partly dismantled Vauxhall of uncertain vintage. "I need a rear door, couple of spare wheels, and a front brake cylinder if you can make it."

They all fell to work.

"None of the tyres on this wagon are any good" Lew examined the wretched specimen in his hands. "Perhaps we'd better try the other one" Lew indicated a silhouette the other side of the car park.

The lads loaded the loot into the boot of L.T.2. and made their way over to the other car. They had just started to take off a front wheel when an irate voice screeched.

"' ere, that's my car. Wot do yer fink yer doin'? 'elp,`elp, Police. Someone git ver law."

Foxy led the others back to L.T.2 at a fast trot. Except Lew. Lew was a bit slow and the owner had collared him.

"'ere wot were yer doin' to me car then? Just you wait until the law get 'ere."

Foxy manoeuvered his car across the car park and came alongside Lew at a fair pace.

Lew, by an acrobatic act he himself couldn't believe, jumped onto the running board. He then tried to get in through the window, hanging half in and half out.

"I thought you said it was dumped?" he accused Foxy.

"Well it has been there for ages, and it looked a wreck, not like my limousine." he patted the dashboard affectionately, the speed light went out.

Lew struggled in and, after causing Foxy to swerve across the road a few times, settled himself down on the front seat, being careful not to lose his virginity to the broken spring that poked up in the middle.

Lew looked round the tattered interior of L.T.2. "This is a limousine?' he asked sarcastically.

"Yep. It was quite luxurious in its day, and well in advance of its time."

"For example."

"Free flow air conditioning."

"Oh." Lew was busy looking for the air vent when Totter, in the back seat, cleared his throat and spoke.

"Excuse me, Mr. Fox."

Foxy looked in the slowly revolving rear vision mirror to catch Totter's reflection "Yes, Mr. Dean cur?"

"Never mind the air conditioning, close that bloody window. It's freezing in the back."

Lew tried to close the front window, but it wouldn't budge. "I suppose, Mr. Fox, that this is the free flow air conditioning?"


They arrived back at the Lombard to find the other lads singing Christmas carols.

"------six shiny tanners, f-i-v-e l-i-t-t-l-e b-o-y-s, four poxy cocks, three brown hatters, two fat turds, and a French letter in a pear tree."

"Where you been?" asked Cecil. GR showed him his dirty hand. "Oh, Tot Patrol. Any luck?"

Back to chapter headings for Just for Kicks